The off-season for college football has turned into a library of dirty T&A flicks: the X-rated variety. As opposed to the USA Networks “Up-All-Night” variety of chopping up scenes and adding blurry patches to boobies and firm buttocks'. Is that a naked girl curling up or a guys elbow? We won't know until they do the pan out.

So anyway, on one shelf, you have the Irish orgies. Literally every sports journalist peeling off his blue and gold sports briefs and getting in the hot tub with every football player from Notre Dame. Brady Quinn went from obscurity to Joe Montana in 4 months. Do you know who Jeff Samardzija is? According to many publications, he's the best receiver in college football this year. Nevermind the fact, that he wouldn't make the two-deep in half the roosters for SEC schools. He's a skinny 6'5” receiver who probably would not outrun most tight ends. But he's from Notre Dame and he 191 yards against the PAC-10 powerhouse Stanford last year. Additionally, that's about what he made as a freshmen and sophomore combined. Is he that good? Hard to tell. There are too many reporters crowding around him giving him the bukkake treatment. I'll know more in a few hours. That's when they all migrate over to Notre Dame's offensive line.

Then on the other shelf of our debauchery, we have West Virginia. The nations easiest schedule. Their 15-minute highlight tape for the past 5 years is right next to TCU, Oregon, California and Florida State in the 'don't deserve to be here' category. Ohio State? Number One? What have they done. What has Penn State done aside from having one good year in an ocean of crappy seasons? Oklahoma?

It's like in a porn movie where the pizza delivery guy comes in and says “Did someone order a sausage pizza?” And this hot blonde walks out of the shower, disoriented from the water apparently, forgetting to put on her clothes to get the pizza, and says “I'll have your sausage.” (cue the synthesized jazz music). Highly unlikely. Implausible. Wouldn't happen in real life. That's the same reaction I get when I see Virginia Tech in the top 10.

So what do I do? Well, first of all, I made up my mind to not care about rankings or accolade's during the season. Is Ohio State better than Florida this year? If our defense went up against their offense, what would happen? I suppose that's extrapolation. I certainly have my opinion. I'm probably wrong. There are just way too many teams, way too many players, way too many match ups to really ever come up with a good list of who is better than who. I'm not selling commercials with my opinions though.

I hate West Virginia for having an easy schedule. I hate USC for not playing anyone except for the national championship game, in which they lost. I hate that fans in the north have no respect for southern football. But I don't weigh my hatred into how I enjoy the upcoming season. I just think it's sad, unfortunate and outrageous that the system is set up to give all the 'experts' the podium about what people should belief about certain teams.

I just want to beat Tennessee, beat Georgia, beat Alabama, beat Auburn, beat South Carolina, crush FSU, destroy whoever we have to during the season and I'll be happy. We don't really have to be better than all 130 teams in the NCAA, imo. We just have to be better than the 12 or 13 that we get to play this year.

So f#%k West Virginia and f#%k USC. Their success means d#%k s#%t to me. They're pathetic little ingrates who think smashing up on some Div II school is a good end to the day. They mix their wine with pepsi. They eat kitty litter for breakfast. Why do I need the Gators to impress them? They've inhaled too much Dust-Off to be impressed by anything other than their pathetic 3rd-rate teams. I don't need ESPN to tell me what a good season we did or didn't have. I don't need Leak to win the hypesman. F#%k the rankings. This pornographic fluffing that certain fans are j#%king off to shouldn't affect me. Just do your j#%king off in a room completely away from where I'm typing. You hear that Miami? We have twelve schools and their fans to disappoint this year.