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"Any pregame superstitions?"On the Thursday night before a game I search the streets looking for a piece of street gravel that is quartz - milky, not clear - that is at least 3mm and no larger 5.5mm in size. There can be no victory unless the correct stone is found. Then I bring it home and boil it for 20 minutes in water collected from Hogtown creek during a new moon when Venus is waxing. No particular reason it's collected at that time other than I like the mental image of Venus waxing. Once the quartz has been dried using a t-shirt worn during a Gator victory I take it outside and, once I've stripped naked and bowed to the four winds of chance, do the pebble dance ending with my dipping the stone into the victory unction (a concoction of my own creation that) and making the sign of the Gator on my chest, arms, and naughty bits with this salve of righteousness. I am now purified and forbidden to bathe until the game has passed lest I ruin the spell that has been cast. I then climb a tree and fasten myself underneath a perpendicular branch using hemp rope and begin the meditation of strength and success as I hang there suspended in my naked purity and goodness. On Friday I go to work as usual being careful to speak only using my left vocal chord so as to save the mightier right chord for the exhortations of the Gators during the game. Friday night is dedicated to The Burning Of The Effigy in which an admittedly crudely constructed doppleganger of the opposing team's mascot is hung from an old oak tree, approximately 20 feet off the ground, after it has been doused with gasoline and liberally sprinkled with black powder. A football wrapped in old newspaper clippings of previous Gator victories is doused with kerosene, lit, and hurled at the effigy. As the ensuing conflagration consumes the effigy I place the instruments of fortune and fidelity upon the hand hewn alligator altar. Then I prostrate myself upon the field of sacrifice (made of ground glass and really itchy leaves and grass clippings) and plead through the 20 stations of the UF Litany of the True for victory in the game to come. On Saturday I make sure to wear my orange lucky Speedo - backwards. I drive to UF taking numbered streets that when properly added, divided, multiplied and subtracted from one another equal 27 - which is the Holy Trinity cubed and thus the luckiest of lucky numbers. I exit the car by opening the passenger door by leaning across with my left hand, then turning to my left placing my back toward the open door I reverse somersault out of the vehicle, landing on my feet, quickly pivoting 7 times (in honor of Danny) before kicking the door closed with my right foot (in honor of SOS's kick against Auburn in '66). I make sure that each time I begin walking on Saturday I only begin with my left foot first to hold sacred the leftiness of Timmy the Divine. Upon entering the stadium I sit between the brick brackets in the North end zone where the victory bell used to reside. I clear my mind and make sure to revel in all the heavenly glory (as a tribute to Bruce Lee) while chanting UM UM UM (in honor of Urban Meyer). 20 Minutes before kickoff I go to my seat but I must enter from the far side of the row and step on the feet of exactly 11 different people. So, all in all I imagine my routine is pretty much the same as what most people do who go to the game.
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Albert
(159.178.93.124) on 8/30/2007 - 4:04 p.m. says: ( 264 views
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