To students, faculty, staff:

I have received a single email of communication last night regarding the incident that occurred Monday at the conclusion of a press confence forum being held by Urban Meyer. The incident resulted in a known internet rabble-rouser being tasered.

We are interested in learning what happened and are taking the following immediate steps to ensure the university utilizes best practice protocols:

• University of Florida Police Chief Linda Stump has said that, "Albert got what was coming to him."

  
  

• Two officers involved in the incident have been given medals of commendation and big raises.

  
  

• We plan to assemble a panel of faculty and students to review why his skull full of mush wasn't cracked open.

  
  

• Administrators and police officials plan to analyze the incident and conduct an internal review and will consider changing protocols in response to this incident, if necessary.

  
  

• Finally, as is standard procedure, the State Attorney’s Office will review the charges brought against Albert. We have communicated with the State Attorney and understand he plans to throw the proverbial book at Albert.

I will not talk about the incident or answer questions at a news conference scheduled at 2 p.m. in Emerson Alumni Hall, so don't bring it up if you know what's good for you.

Sincerely,

 J. Bernard Machen