1:1 - In the first year of the reign of Spurrier the word of the Gator came to alleygator thusly: “Tell my people I have heard their cries and shall relieve them from the heavy yoke of the cur oppressors.  Yea verily, the oppression of the curs is a stench reaching even to my nostrils.  No longer shall my people suffer for the sins of previous rulers.  Fourth and dumb shall be remembered no more; 75-0 shall be trampled underfoot; he-who-shall-not-be-named will be found only in the distant memories of ancient curs.  I have called a new leader who shall reclaim the rightful heritage of my people.  I have spoken.”

4:5 – In the fourth year of the reign of Spurrier the word of the Gator came to alleygator thusly: “Tell my people not to fear.  There shall be a great deluge and it will seem that the curs shall rise up yet again to oppress my people.  Yet fear not!  For I shall send a miraculous sign through my servant Lott and the curs shall howl mightily, yet the zebras shall honor it.  The Munson shall not believe in the sign, but what care I for his words?  The odor of wet polyester shall be a sweet aroma to me.”

6:7 – In the sixth year of the reign of Spurrier the word of the Gator came to alleygator thusly: “Fear not the privet hedges, my people!  They are merely shrubbery.  You shall inflict great pain upon the curs; they shall be as lifeless.  You shall perform great wonders such as have never been done in the realm of Samford.  There shall be great rejoicing when the mystical number is breached.”

7:15 - In the seventh year of the reign of Spurrier the word of the Gator came to alleygator thusly:  “Thy destiny is before thee.  While there shall be minor disappointment as winter approaches, my people shall overcome this and triumph over all other kingdoms.  Yea verily, in this course of events they shall thrash the curs and leave them gasping in the wilderness.  Have I not promised this?”

12:13 - In the twelfth year of the reign of Spurrier the word of the Gator came to alleygator thusly: “My people shall suffer a grave disappointment in coming months.  It shall seem unfair to my people and I will understand their sorrow.  However, be of good cheer, for once again the lowly curs shall be crushed under your heel and the sound of their whimpering is as heavenly music.”

13: 11 - In the first year of the reign of Zook the word of the Gator came to alleygator thusly:  “Tell my people their doom shall seem nigh.  They have suffered defeat at the hands of the unwashed and the curs seem mighty in comparison.  Have no fear!  Despite the lofty expectations of other nations and the cursed cur themselves, you shall triumph and the victory shall be sweet as the curs shall incur no other defeats in their campaign.”

15:5 - In the third year of the reign of Zook the word of the Gator came to alleygator thusly:  “Yea verily, my people have experienced great sorrow.  The western curs have risen up to strike my people and cause Zook great trouble.  In the midst of these troubles the evil curs shall also strike my people.  Take heart, my people, for the days of disappointment are numbered and a new ruler shall arise who shall grasp the curs by their throats and trod them underfoot.”

18:9 – In the third year of the reign of Meyer the word of the Gator came to alleygator thusly:  “I have heard your cry from my abode and I will answer.  The curs have sinned mightily and shall be punished.  They have dishonored not only my name but the very nature of the battle.  There shall be a great outcry among the nations and my retribution shall be righteous and harsh.  I have spoken.”

19:17 – In the fourth year of the reign of Meyer the word of the Gator came to alleygator thusly:  “Do you not know?  Have you not heard?  The curs have received tenfold in punishment for their irreverence.  Yea verily, Richt has suffered greatly at the hand of my servant Meyer.  His hypocrisy is ever before him.  Though he renders good words and wise sayings, he hath lost any semblance of dignity.  Great is the rejoicing among my people, and among the peoples of the world.”

20:15 - In the fifth year of the reign of Meyer the word of the Gator came to alleygator thusly:  “My people raise a cry to the heavens.  They despair of complete victory.  Do not fear, for my servant Tebow shall be refreshed as though from springs in the desert.  He shall triumph over the evil curs yet again.  Great shall be the gnashing of teeth among the cur faithful, and greater still the rejoicing among my people.”