Here in Georgia, red and black car flags swarm like locusts while the AJC pumps a redux of 1980. I've endured that for over 30 years and likely won't outlive a repeat. Meanwhile, national sports radio gushes so over Notre Dame that I'm almost questioning my Christian faith. I have a graduate degree from Tuscaloosa but have never cared one whit about its football team succeeding until now. Please put an end to this madness, Nick Saban. If you are indeed the Devil, I'll accept a Faustian bargain with you. Stop this nightmare by steamrolling the poodles and crushing the Irish and I swear I'll never remove this Alabama class ring from my finger--not to work, not to bathe, not to sleep, and not to make love...at least until you skip town for another job, which I hope is real soon.

I or any Gator (I'd imagine) could live with.   My hate-o-meter works like this:

1. first the sows and scUMbags must be eliminated.  This is non negotiable.

2. the bal-licking, butt-sniffing, leg-humping curs must be eliminated unless one of the category 1's is still alive.  DANGER!  DANGER!  DANGER!!!!! 

My alarm is going off over #2 here.  That must be taken care of before we can even THINK about proceding further.

3. Sucking Cal and Notre Lame must be eliminated unless one of the 2 above is still alive.

DANGER! DANGER!  DANGER!!!!!

After the curs are KO'd then we can slide down the scale to make sure Notre Lame is eliminated and mediot hearts are broken all across the country.  There can be no on-air orgasms and multi-year tongue baths of that kind allowed.  I feel queasy just thinking about it.

4. if we got this far, all Left Coasters must be eliminated.

Like Cartman enjoying the sweet nectar of Scot Tenerman's tears, so I enjoy the incessant whining and butt-hurt from the Left Coasters.

5. the Whorns must be eliminated.

The more I've gotten to know them, the more I dislike them.

6. Only now is it permissible to even start to consider other SEC teams for elimination.......