1. Spend an hour or so trying the obvious fixes, like deleting from Videos, Usage, or iTunes (both on the computer and the iPad).

2. Google other potential fixes.

3. Try step #1 again.

4. Consult the VS. They'll direct you to steps #1 and #2 again.

5. Email Apple support.

6. Get an immediate call back. Talk to some chick. Give her the serial number (twice). Tell her what's wrong. Listen to her describe step #1 again.

7. Try not to roll your eyes when she tells you to reboot. Do it anway, even though it won't work.

8. Try some other stuff. Then let her pass you off to her senior advisor. Tell him everything you told her. Then start at step #1 again. Have him instruct you through a system restore. Since it'll take thirty minutes once it gets going, he'll call you back.

9. Hahaha, you dumbass. You didn't think that would work or he'd call you back, did you?

10. Call Apple again. Speak to another chick. Give her the serial number twice and the case file. Describe everything again. Go through step #1 again. Try another few things. Let her pass you off to a senior advisor.

11. This guy knows what's wrong. He's had the same thing happen to him, so he knows exactly what to do. It's supposedly a corrupt file. He fixes it in five minutes (through a system restore from the cloud) and gives you his direct contact info. Problem solved.

12. Put your iPad up for sale on eBay, Amazon, and Craigslist simulateously. Sell it to the first bidder.

13. Short the stock. Make a quick gain. Use the proceeds to buy a Galaxy.

14. Use the rest of the proceeds to find Steve Jobs' grave. Don't pee on it or anything. Just moon him.

15. Go back to the VS.

16. Whine like a little girl.