This story is a couple of years old but I have never told it here before so I thought I would share it as people seem to enjoy it here at work.

A couple of years back I was hanging out at the local watering hole, The Stumblin Pig, on an early Saturday evening watching a baseball game on Fox.  There was a young lady sitting next to me, approximately my age or a little younger,  and she asked me if there was a band playing there that night.  I told her that the festivities for the Pig that night involved only a DJ.  So she seemed friendly enough and not bad looking so we started talking and after a while I told her that there was a band playing down the street at the Clay St Tavern.  So we agreed to set out down the road to see the band.

We went to the Tavern, had some more drinks (a not insignificant detail), danced some and were having a pretty good time.  So, at one point after dancing, we returned to our seats at the bar only to find 2 women sitting in them.  So my girl, whose name I could not recall now if you waterboarded me, said "Hey those are our seats!"  And one of the other women replied "Well, they're our seats now!."  Now, I figured my girl had one of two ways to respond and that is that she would either A) call the other woman a bitch or B) say "Excuse me, let me get my purse from the bar", but there was a third alternative that I hadn't considered and this was the option that the girl chose, which was to sock the other girl solidly in the jaw.  Now, usually, when you see two women fighting, there is some wrestling, some hair pulling, etc.  Well, not this fight.  The girl jumped off the barstool and the two of them started duking it out like Rock Em Sock Em robots.  I was grabbing my girl by the waist and pulling her back.  The other girl was pulling her friend back and I ended up on my ass on the sawdust floor.  Which is where I was when the bar owner came out and said "You two, out the front door!  You two, out the back door!".  Which was embarassing for me as I was a frequent patron of the establishment.

So there was nothing left to do but take her home with me as I only lived a couple of blocks away.  I was a little worried about her because when I pulled up in the driveway as she got out of the passenger side of the car, she fell on her back in the grass.  I became more concerned as she made a beeline for the bathroom when she got in the house, stumbled and ended up head butting the Charlotte Hornets round garbage can that I had in there and putting a huge head size dent in the side of it.  I still have the can and this is one of the reasons that I want the Charlotte NBA franchise to take the Hornets name back.  The dent remains.  Needless to say, at this point, all either of us could do was pass out.

Now, you would think that the story ends there but what is a good story without a postscript.  The following Saturday, this girl showed up at the Pig again.  Fortunately, I was otherwise occupied and never saw her this time but heard about her exploits.  She came in and started talking to the bartender, saying "Oh you remember me, I was in here with Jethro last week.".  So she hung out for a while and ended up dancing with a kid about 20 years younger than her that used to date her daughter.  No one knows what he said to her but presumably it was kinda bad as she punched him night in the ruts and had him rolling on the floor moaning.  There but for the grace of God went I.  So they threw her out and she went off and came back a few minutes later and said "Which one of you GD MFs took my cigarettes?".  Somebody said "Look you stupid b****, they're sticking out of your purse.  Which, indeed they were.  No one has seen her since.  And this is a town of 12,000 people. 

and noticed a couple of girls talking in what sounded like Scottish accents.  So I asked them "Are you two girls from Scotland?"  One of them replied "Wales idiot!".  So I said "Oh, I'm sorry, are you two Whales from Scotland?"  That's the last thing I remember.