What I didn't say, which could have possibly resulted in different responses is the fact that the person that knows my kids and has known me for almost 50 years now and knows how I feel that made the "porch monkey" comment, is my own FATHER!  The person's home we were in was his new "girl friend"!  I can guarantee that he never would have made that comment in front of us when my mother was alive.  He obviously thought this woman would find it humorous, which is why he came out with it.  Knowing how enamored he is with her manipulative @ss now is the exact reason we decided to get the he!! of dodge before it got ugly!

(And yes, Greg had the thought of pulling out pictures of the kids, but felt the same that I did, that we just needed to go.)

I've also found out that my father wasn't embarrassed by us leaving when we did that night.  It wasn't until the girl friend called him yesterday during the day and asked why we left.  He told her it was probably because of the racist jokes when she told him how wrong we were, that we should have handled it like adults and respected her and her guests. 

Before I found this out, we had the idea last night that I should send her an email apologizing if she thought we were rude, thinking maybe she would get mad at my father, but that backfired.  (We need this lying, conniving woman out of his life!!  He is being played like a fiddle by her but can't see it at all.) 

As to what Baby Sis said below, here is an excerpt from my email to her last night.....I'm sorry we embarrassed Dad

when we left.  We had planned on leaving around that time anyway due to Greg being tired from working since early morning, and we still had a several minute drive

home, but we felt that it was especially a good time to leave after the "#badword#" jokes and Dad

wanting to be funny with the "we call them porch monkeys" comment. Yes, we

might be overly defensive after adopting a couple of biracial babies, but

I've been very sensitive to the use of that word for many years, WAY before

we adopted our kids.  To explain it simply, we

were offended, even though I'm sure that wasn't the intention of anyone.  As I

tried to explain to Dad again today, once I became old enough to think for

myself, I found the word insulting because of the connotation behind it, and

have found it completely unnecessary and disrespectful since then.  I was

raised in the south and rose above it on my own, it didn't take adopting

biracial kids to do so. 

This was her response to me.........First, I am very happy you and Greg came on Saturday and enjoyed yourself,

dinner and meeting new people. I would never want anyone to be uncomfortable

or insulted when in my home. I did express concern to your Dad when he

mentioned you left due to that he figured were racist comments. As adults, I

felt maybe you were too thin skinned. If someone expresses a dislike, hatred

or anything about animals, children or my Blessed America I definitely would

NOT like it but would accept their opinion and blow it off UNLESS it was

directed to me or who I love. If you feel anything was directed to either of

you, I apologize. My niece has a biracial son, Jordan, who is part of my and

my sisters family and always will be. I was NOT raised to hate anyone

regardless of race, I always try to judge everyone as an individual,

regardless of color, race or financial status. Living in the "south" almost

demands us to be exposed to "racial" jokes and comments but having been

called a "honkie", I just laughed and figured whomever said it had the

problem and really didn't know me. I have had black friends and neighbors

attend parties in my home because they KNEW they were MY friends and I am

way past color for anyone. 

Both of you have been gracious to me and I enjoyed having dinner in your

home and meeting your adopted kids. I would NEVER knowingly do anything to

offend either of you or your children. I did send you a brief thank you

after receiving the photos and I will send it again in case you didn't

receive it the first time. 

Thank you for your wonderful message below. It means a great deal to me.

Please accept my apology if you felt offended. If either of you were

offended that would never be acceptable, but please also understand it's

difficult for me to control what other people say or how anyone might react.

I am a big girl and have been on my own for a long time and even though I

know your Dad would have great intentions to shield or protect me, that is

not necessary. Thank you again for your message and I hope by our

communicating we can get together again when I return.

Talk about a back handed apology!!!

 I later get a call from my father telling me that she called him and read my email to him and told him he should call and tell me how proud he is of me for sending the email to her.  He did just that and apologized several times.  When she says jump, he asks how high.  My sister even told him (who would have ever thought she would stand up for me?!) that he should call me and apologize in his own words and not let her tell him what to say to me.  She also told him she thought it was ridiculous that when he knows how we feel that he would say such a thing to be "funny" in front of her.

So now folks, you have the whole story. So no, in this case, we can't get new friends. I'm just working as hard as I can to make sure that the con "girl friend" is out of his life ASAP before she drives a wedge the whole family.  You would think the fact that she's told him that she's been married 3 times, yet I have at least 5 marriage certificates that I've found so far would be enough, but nooooooooooo.  She's "special"!

We have a teenager and young adult as our children, I don't need to have to deal with this $##$ with a parent too!!!!  

I think maybe this whole issue goes much deeper than perhaps you want to acknowledge...

You dad has lived his life without really needing, or perhaps even wanting, interference from others...I would find it hard to believe that he does not know and understand your obvious feelings towards his new significant other...and please, let's not play the charade of how you have tried being nice to her...bottom line here is you do not like the wench and she knows it and dear old dad knows it...so stop trying to put lipstick on that pig and call it like it really is...simply put, you do not like her...

She obviously had a highly questionable past as your research indicates...simply tell dear old dad about what you have found, and give him a written copy of the info...he is old enough and experienced enough to take it from there...I would even suggest that you do this in front of the wench so your position is quite clear...no need to skulk around behind anyone's back, especially since it is apparent that everyone knows how everyone really feels...your dad would have the info, it would be clear to him that you think she is at the very least a despicable gold digger, and then it is up to your dad to make his own decisions as an adult...

If you think dad has blinders on, then so be it...you are not his saviour and he is old enough to get into trouble and find a way out...if he wants your help or interference, he will tell you so...if he loses everything he has, then it is his fault and he has nobody else to blame...let him run his own life and live with his choices and consequences...

Now, for the porch monkey issue...yeah, this term has been used extensively in the south...actually in the north too, but that is another story altogether...I was born in Mississippi and have lived through the racial revolution years...also traveled to many areas, each with their own race conflicts...what I will say is that I have NEVER known anybody who used the porch monkey phrase as a term of endearment...it has ALWAYS been used in negative manner...thus, unless your dad has totally lost reasonable and practical mental faculties, he knew damn good and well that you and your husband do not like the phrase...this issue should simply be called what it is...it was an intentional slap to you and your family...even from dear old dad...and, it does not matter whether or not your dad would have used the term when your mom was alive...

The fact that he said what he did indicates to me that he wanted to send you some kind of abrupt message...perhaps he is irritated with the situation between you and his new fling...maybe he has real feeling for her, who knows...but it is really irrelevent...the simple truth here is your dad insulted you, your husband, and your children...maybe he threw it out there because he doesn't have the same feeling towards your children as you have...maybe that is his way of telling you that he accepts your family as is and he wants you to do the same for him...nobody really knows for sure, but the simple truth is there very much appears to be some internal conflicts between you and your dad...

Bottom line here...don't try to justify anything, not even yourself and your thoughts...no need for extended drama about all that you and your sister have done that justifies your position...simply accept your thoughts, feelings, and position as yours and TELL IT LIKE IT IS...no sense in playing out a dramatic event every time the family is all together...dad or not, if you insult me, my family, my close friends, or damn near anything else in my life, then I am telling you exactly, in no uncertain terms, exactly how I feel...if that means we no longer have a relationship, then so be it...you cannot mold anyone else into what you want them to be, so it is up to them to decide how important you really are to them...maybe dad doesn't really care that much for your adopted kids, but he has to make a choice to either accept them without the insults, or he has no relationship with you and your family...

Yeah, I know you WANT a relationship with your family...hell, we all want the Norman Rockwell version of family...sometimes, it just isn't that way for some folks...my own direct family relationships were a train wreck when I was growing up...one day I happened to catch a daytime television show that had a family socialologist on it...listened to her a bit and she made perfect sense...accept your feelings and live them in the open...you did not choose the family you were born into...you wouldn't tolerate the same treatment from friends and co-workers, and you don't have to tolerate them from your family...it really is that simple...