Marjorie: Hello H., Thank you for contacting Comcast Live Chat Support. My name is Marjorie. Please give me one moment to review your information.

H.: My Issue: i need a breakdown of my $1360 bill

Marjorie: I hope you haven't waited so long to be assisted and hope you are having a great day.

H.: I am having a great day. It is a lot better than yesterday when a Grizzy bear ate my child

Marjorie: Oh, I hope your child is okay.

H.: No eaten alive. but what I am chatting about is seeing if I can get a breakdown of my last bill for $1360.

H.: Are you in the Phillippines?

Marjorie: I would be glad to assist you with regards to your bill.

Marjorie: Upon checking, there was no payment made since July.

H.: Yes because, MY HOUSE BURNED DOWN IN JUNE

Marjorie: I see.

H.: Yep first a house fire the the bear thing.

H.:  So do you think we can this ironed out?

Marjorie: I'm sorry about the accident.

Marjorie: Upon checking, your bill went high due to unreturned equipment.

H.: Yes the equipment was returned because of THE FIRE

H.: Sort of like this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SPu59h8OrL4

H.: I'm sorry was not returned

H.: because of http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SPu59h8OrL4

Marjorie: Okay let me check what we have for lost equipment.

H.: I was afraid my teenage son had been watching too much porn and that was the reason for the bill

Marjorie: I'm sorry but Comcast will charge for any stolen or damaged equipment. You would need to contact your homeowners/renters insurance company for reimbursement.

H.: I know I need to contact my insurance company that is why I need a breakdown of the bill. Are you sure it was not from porn?

H.: I'd hate to submit a porn bill to my insurance company. You know that is the first thing they will think.

Marjorie: No it is not

Marjorie: I already send a copy of you bill from July to October 2013.

H.: thanks

Marjorie: You will receive it within 3-5 business days

H.: Thanks

Marjorie: Is there anything else I can help you with?

H.: can you play a train song?

Marjorie: No. How about you?

H.: I can hum this one pretty welll A smoke, a long black cadillac, the engine's winding down. He'd park it up on the sidewalk like he owned the whole damn town. I'd hear him talkin' to some chick through a thick ghost of smoke, through a thicker haze of Southern Comfort and coke, say, Girl you're hotter than a hinge hangin' off the gates of hell. Don't be afraid to turn to me, babe, if he don't treat you well, and by he he meant me, so I laughed and I shook his hand. He'd laugh a little bit louder as he'd yell up at the band: Play a train song, pour me one more round, make 'em leave my boots on when they lay me into the ground. I am a runaway locomotive, outta my one track mind, and I'm lookin' for any kinda trouble that I can find I got this old black leather jacket I got this pack of Marlboro Reds I got this stash here in my pocket I got these thoughts in my own head the right to run until I gotta walk or until I got to crawl this moment that I'm in right now and nothing else at all

Marjorie: If you don't have any concern.

H.: Oh I have many concerns

H.: The Whole Government Shut down we got going on over here has me bummed out.

Marjorie: I'm sorry we only entertain business related issues.

H.: Really. I talked to an agent yesterday about Duck Dynasty v. Breaking Bad. She seemed much friendlier than you. Wonder why