I passed by two Publix stores and stopped at one to purchase a $3.50 ice chest for my cleaned fish. I swiped my credit card and left with the cooler. A bag boy chased me down outside because my card did not go through. I responded with the following statement:

“I went to the supermarket with the intent to purchase a cheap cooler, but made a terrible mistake for which I’m taking full responsibility. In a moment of middle-aged confusion, I walked out of the store without swiping my credit card correctly. I realize that I was once in the public spotlight and although retired now, my conduct still needs to be above reproach. Over the last year since retiring, I’ve learned that my accomplishments as cop were a wonderful thing for my wife, virtual friends, and family. At the same time, I must realize that my mistakes are still magnified and can bring great embarrassment to all those who support me every day. I make no excuses for my actions and will learn and grow from this unfortunate situation.”

Despite my eloquence, the bag boy made me return inside to re-swipe my credit card. That Thin Green Line in Publix held their ranks again. They are the only thing between civilized behavior and anarchy in Tallahassee, Florida.