I need some guidance. I feel stupid even asking the questions, and I probably am.

I feel I have wasted many years on somebody. It just seems to go in a repeated pattern of frustration. I leave frustrated, confused, angry and ultimately severly depressed (it's a trigger) only to allow myself to be fooled and drawn back in.

Any advice, or even ridicule is welcome==============================

But getting a correct answer in advance is impossible. Much depends on the particular person and where he/she is in the world of acknowlegement and recovery. There are countless alcoholics who have admitted their problem and are actively committed to achieving long term sobriety, one day at a time. For example, me. There are just as many, probably more, alcoholics who are in denial from time to time about their problem, and instead cycle through the belief that their drinking can be managed. This often leads to a worsened problem, leading to trouble in relationships, in employment and with the law.  I would ask myself: Is this person committed to their recovery? Even if the answer is an unequivocable "yes!" the unwritten rule is that before embarking on a significant relationship during recovery, you should have a couple of years or so of uninterrupted sobriety. Obviously a subjective issue. But for me, the first 3 years of my sobriety I needed the time to work on me, my job, and my daughter and there simply was no time to entertain another relationship, without jeopardizing my sobriety. But that's just me. My advice is to read some Al Anon literature to get your arms around the issues, and see if your desire for a relationship remains. No matter what, best of luck to you and to your mate.

Cheers. BN.