I am on the phone talking to my girlfriend. Of course, motorists--excuse me, pausing criminals-- are backing up behind me for fear of a speeding ticket. Happens all day everyday unless I speed up to see which knuckleheads fall behind in their futile efforts to clock me on Youtube.

Anyhow, this obtuse driver decides to pass me despite the fact I am in the middle lane exceeding the limit slightly myself. What should I do? Let him and everyone else blow by me and brazenly violate the law I am sworn to enforce? I would be ridiculed for that on Youtube, too. Although I am late for my lunch date, I motion the guy over as he pulls beside me. I was only going to give him a warning.

As I conducted the stop, his license read "Robert.." He insisted I call him "Mr. Bob" while asserting he was the owner and chief administrator of something called the Virtual Swamp. He bragged it was something from which he could ban me and delete my posts. I asked if he knew how fast he was going. He shrugged and snarked, "Dunno. Perhaps just as fast as you, but a little faster than those idiots behind me."

I was just about to let him go, and jokingly suggested he watch his speedometer to make sure it did not exceed the white speed limit signs at the side of the highway. We had a good laugh. Everything was going great. Then the moron asked "Do you have a link for that?" I wrote him a ticket for doing 64 in a 55.