in order to help the most unfortunate victims of all - Conservative American Florida Gators?

My friends, I want you to know that I have heard your plight, felt your tears, and truly want to help. You are the victims of all victims, and this outrage must stop.

We have known for many years now, as Florida Gators you suffer the heinous bias of the referees, SEC, NCAA, game announcers, commentators and all media outlets. Though deserving of effusive accolades as well as annual national championships due to your superlative skills as fans sitting on your couches, nefarious forces have unjustly aligned against you at every turn.

And as white male Christian Conservatives, you are the most downtrodden and persecuted American demographic there is. Putting aside all evidence to the contrary, as facts are an evil liberal media fiction, it is upon your necks that the boot heels of so called news outlets that refuse to shout your version of reality relentlessly at you, and website moderators who unfairly delete your pristine post as well as that of the offensive liberal scoundrel, firmly crushes.

So to be both Florida Gators and Conservative Americans must make you the most persecuted souls in history. The Jews at Auschwitz had it better than you.

My heart is broken for you. Maybe major rock stars can do one of those benefit songs like they did for starving people in Africa.

But alas, those evil liberal a-holes will never care about those who truly suffer. Nobody knows, the troubles you have seen. Nobody knows, your sorrow.

;-)