This guy is a great read.  This is his pre game notes before the UVA FSU game.

Since our last Notes, much has taken place (happened): the Hoos have dispatched with two more ACC (Big East) foes to remain undefeated in the ACC (ACC/Big East). The Eagles won the Super Bowl. The S&P 500 has lost 10%. St. John’s beat Duke. Only 3 or 4 Amtrak trains crashed (2 below the weekly average). Staff issued the statement, “Justin Timberlake is pretty entertaining” (BTB- Blame the Bourbon). Staff knows little of the Bible’s revelations, but all these things would seem to point to end of days. One hopes that this is held off until after the NCAA tournament (and if “one” is being really greedy, The Masters). Also, the ESPN game day crew will be in JPJ this weekend- Staff can’t wait to see how the Hoo faithful finds new ways to feel disrespected. But enough about the past and the future (or lack thereof), Notes turns its attention (or lack thereof) to the present- tonight’s tilt against The Florida State University (FSU) Seminoles (S). The Hoos have struggled somewhat in Tallahassee recently, but that is no shame- if you are in Tallahassee, by definition, you are struggling. As always, Staff apologizes for this and any other of the following that may upset the FSU basketball fan, whoever you are. With that, on to the Notes 

1) Florida State University (FSU) is in Tallahassee (motto: Florida, without the good parts). FSU’s motto is “Vires, artes, mores” which loyal readers should know translates to “Strength, Skill, and Free Crab Legs”. FSU checks in with US News as the 81st ranked university in the country (America) but again, Forbes disagrees and puts it at 177, BartTorvik (full kudos (props) to The_Superhoo for pointing out this great and absurd site yesterday) adjusts the US NEWS/ FORBES Ratio and gives it a USNFOR of 123 (this is the equivalent of a .743 BARTHOG). Several of FSU’s “academic” programs do rank well with US News- its Criminology department is ranked 7th nationally (Senior year criminologists are embedded in the FSU football program). As a part of the State University System of Florida (SUSoF), FSU falls under the purview of the Florida Board of Governors (FBOG). However, a 13-member Board of trustees is "vested with the authority to govern and set policy for FSU as necessary to provide proper governance and improvement of the University in accordance with law and rules of the FBOG". The rules of the FBOG have not yet been written (citation needed). FSU has been penalized seven times by the NCAA for major infractions for the period 1968 through 2009 (a respectable 41:7 year/infraction ratio). In short, if you have to be in Tallahassee for 4 (or 5) years, you might as well go to FSU. 

2) The FSU basketball team (FSUBT) is coached by Leonard Hamilton- a fine coach, a better man, and an even better Captain of Brooklyn Precinct 99. Hamilton will turn 70 in August but his BartTorvik adjusted age (ADJAGE) is 47. Hamilton started his coaching career at Austin Peay, where he convinced Fly Williams that Clarksville, Tennessee was a good fit for a Brooklyn Playground Legend (BPL). From there he went to Kentucky, where he was a longtime assistant to Joe B Hall (underrated d-bag that benefited from personal comparisons to perfectly rated d-bag, Adolph Rupp). Hamilton went on to be head coach at Oklahoma State, Miami (Big East version), the Washington Wizards (Baltimore Bullets), and then FSU, where he has been since 2002. He has had success at each stop (leaving the Wizards after only one year is considered a success). Hamilton’s personal history is quite impressive. At an early age he helped raise some of his siblings, some of his nieces and nephews, and his own children. Staff has nothing but respect for Coach Hamilton, and hopes we beat his team by more than 3 ½ (current Staff bookie line) with humility an class. 

3) As Noted, FSU is in Tallahassee; an area that was home to the Seminole Indians until Spain and America decided it wasn’t their home any longer. The name Tallahassee is a Muskogean language word that is often (roughly) translated as “ sweatpants as formal wear”. To dishonor the Seminoles even more, FSU’s athletic teams are known as the Seminoles, a name adopted in 1947. This brought the first FSU mascot Sammy Seminole (sounds like mid-level member of the Gambino family- NO OFFENSE TO THE GAMBINO FAMILY!!!). Chief Fullabull replaced Sammy in 1960. This angered Native American groups so the FSU brain trust came up with the much more sensitive, Chief Wampumstompum. Today, FSU football games are begun when Osceola (Frat kid usually named “Brendan” dressed as a Seminole) rides Renegade (real horse) to mid-field (the part of a football field that Hoos run Jet Sweeps on 3rd and 9) and plants a burning spear. Throw in a Tomahawk chop chant, and visitors have the full authentic Seminole experience. 

4) Tallahassee and FSU have many Notable people associated with the “town” and “school”. Jim Morrison (overrated poet; underrated drunk) did one year at FSU. Burt Reynolds (overrated actor; underrated hair) played football at FSU. Richard Simmons (!!!) (Overrated weight loss guru; underrated fashion trend-setter) is an FSU alum. Wallace Amos Jr. (overrated “famous” cookies; underrated talent agent (Marvin Gaye and Sam Cooke were clients)) is from Tallahassee. While these are all Notable people, Staff chooses to focus on George Clinton, the great Funkmaster leader of Parliament, Funkadelic, and, strangely enough, Parliament-Funkadelic. Clinton is from North Carolina, but he calls Tallahassee home. Clinton and his bands have inspired so many great artists (OutKast, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Snoop Dog(g), etc., etc.) that it’s hard to Overrate his mark on music. His shows are legendary. His bands (Bootsy Collins et al) wear awesome costumes while playing the greatest funk of all time (tied with Sly and the Family Stone). Staff may have gone a little off the rails here, but please give George Clinton his due – he has a musical BARTHOG of 1.00. 

5) Game Notes Non Sequitur Bits (Larry King Style: Why does Java need to be upgraded every time Staff uses its computer?...Staff Notes that Sabreites are upset about the Trae Young (French for “Very Young”) ESPN coverage; Staff Notes that NBC does the same hype with Lindsay Vonn in the Olympics…Staff is neither religious nor superstitious (but respects those who are (religious, not superstitious)), but we won’t say a bad word about FSU Center Christ Koumadje, no matter what he does…Ty Jerome improves on D every game…Music Hot Take: Jimmy Buffett is awful (don’t @ me)…Super Bowl commercials are overrated, and on a related Note, the Manning brothers are overrated, and on a related Note, Phil Mickelson is the overrated Manning equivalent in Golf…Staff just re-read these bits and they seem bitter- apologies to all…Staff is watching Xavier play as it types this nonsense, and Trevon Bluiett is awesome…On a serious Note, Staff saw that Sabre Poster and Hoo fan, “Sarge” passed away recently; Rest in peace, thank you for your service to this country, and may the memory of you bring joy to your family and friends for years to come. 

6) Game Notes Roster Spotlight on FSU: In doing its “research”, Staff was surprised to learn that Celtics Great (Oxymoron) Dave Cowens went to FSU. Staff never liked Cowens nor the Celtics, but it’s a fact worth Noting. From the current roster, Staff chooses to spotlight Anthony Polite, a Freshman (First-Year) from Lugano, Switzerland. Hoos may remember Polite’s dad played at FSU in the late 80’s. He then played professionally in Switzerland and came to the conclusion that Lugano was a bit nicer than Tallahassee, so he stayed there. Lugano is on the Italian border and lies on Lake Lugano, surrounded by the mountains of the Lugano Prealps. Polite the Younger chose to come to Tallahassee, which sits on a creek near the border of Georgia and Alabama. It’s apparent what is in play here- Hoos should silently cheer for Michael Polite in his psychological journey to please his father. 

7) Game Notes Drinking Note: Staff is a bit worried by this game (although a loss means nothing), so we will go with a comfort night of drinking. No fancy cocktails, no wine, no beer, not even any Zima. This game is a bourbon game. Bourbon is one of the Five Pillars of Game Notes’ Staff, and we will do our part to contribute. As always, please drink to your palate, and please drink responsibly. Go Hoos!