I apologize if the subject line startled you.  You see, it has become somewhat of a tradition between our two schools to compete in the annual “I was treated like poop as a visiting fan” contest.    Lines such as “some beastly man, wearing a designer macramé t-shirt, verbally accosted my seven year old son telepathically” have become classics to this rivalry.   I, myself, do my best to feed such capricious experiences in Gainesville by repeatedly playing my tape-recording of a cars being keyed as a particularly high volume; most reactions tend to happen during the points in the tape where moderately-priced cars fall victim to the metallic object. 

So I figured, I would continue the tradition of “poop treatment” in my own special way.  First of all, Knoxville is a really pretty town… filled with really mean people who said “hello and thank you” a lot!!  Secondly, the girls in Knoxville have the collection of the nicest breasts I have ever seen and tended to be mostly blondes.  This is, surprisingly, a nice combination to have when you’re a guy walking around Knoxville and, additionally, are pretty horny.  I’m just saying. 

Seriously, the worst thing about Knoxville is the clubs/bar situation.  After the game, I went to

Also, no matter where you go in Knoxville, you’re walking uphill.  Even when you track back to where you just came from, the city has the power to reverse the polarity of the Earth or something.  My feet hurt.  Oh yeah, it’s not hard to walk uphill in all directions when you’re following a bunch of blondes with large breasts.

I also noticed an odd psychological event happen after the game.  A Tennessee fan can turn the statement “We caught an extremely lucky break at the end of the game by getting the ball back and that field goal was miraculous” to “We kicked the Gators asses in every part of the game and Leak sucks as a QB” in about 10 minutes.  I actually followed a group of Vols fans out of the stadium and saw this metamorphosis take place.

One other thing that I should mention…

WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Two damn yards for a first down and the victory and you piss the ball into the middle of the field with 8 UT defenders in the box?  *sigh*

In any event, I enjoyed my trip… except the time every single UT fan urinated on me, while kicking my dog and jumping up and down on my car with steel boots and then cursed at my autistic infant child after infecting him with autism, AIDS, Cancer and pimples.  Those UT fans suck.