(with apologies to Huey Lewis)

I want a new coach
One that won't make me sick
One that won' make me kick my TV
Or make me throw a big brick 

I want a new coach
One that won't hurt my head
One that won't make my throat too sore
Or make my eyes too red

One that won't make me nervous
Wondering what he'll do
One that makes me feel like I feel with you know who
When I'm watching you know who

I want a new coach
One that won't let us lose
One that won't blow a big lead
Andmake us turn to booze

I want a new coach
One that won't go away
One that won't keep me up all night
Making me second guess that play

One that won't make me nervous
Wondering what he'll do
One that makes me feel like I feel with you know who
When I'm watching you know who

I want a new coach
One who does what he should
One that won't make me feel too bad
One that makes me feel like we're too good

I want a new coach
One with no doubt
One that won't make me cry too much
Or make the board freak out

One that won't make me nervous
Wondering what he'll do
One that makes me feel like I feel with you know who
When I'm watching you know who