Hopefully I'll be teaching 3rd grade.

• There is no God
• Santa Clause doesn't exist.
• The Easter Bunny OD'd on cocaine
• The Tooth Fairy ran off with Tinkerbell to Canada to get married.
• The Gators are the only true religion and we will pray to Albert (the mascot, not the poster) 3 times daily while facing south.
• Eating healthy food for lunch will turn you into a gun-hating left wing liberal.
• Soccer is the best sport on the planet.
• Not watching enough televiasion will cause your teeth to fall out.
• You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.