... as in Thomas Jefferson Light University (TJLU):

In extensive debate (with myself), this name won out over Random Declaration Signer Dude University (RDSDU) when I discovered that George Mason did not, in fact, sign the Declaration of Independence.  From what I read, however, he does seem to be a pretty nifty founding-father type guy.  He is said to have advised Thomas Jefferson on writing the Declaration of Independence since GM had already written a Virginia declaration.  It seems, however, that he was a bit of a homebody, as he later refused gigs in both the US Senate and Continental Congress.  Although he made an exception in order to actively participate in the Constitutional Convention in Philly, he did not actually sign that document either.  Hmmmm.  Not big on signatures, this George Mason.  Sorta the anti-John Hancock.  But, on the plus side, GM doesn't have an insurance company named after him. 

In addition, GMU was founded as a branch of the University of Virginia, the academic institution in central Virginia whose denizens refer to it as "Mr. Jefferson's University," as if it remains even remotely relevant that TJ built some pretty cool buildings there 200 years ago.  At any rate, that seems to make GMU something akin to "Mr. Jefferson's Step-University."  But that nomenclature, MJS-U, seems a bit awkward, what with the hyphen and all.  Plus not everybody knows the whole Mr. Jefferson's Univeristy thing (thankfully).  So, since good ole GM whipped up the Virginny Declaration while TJ did the Big Kahuna, and since GMU was created as an offshoot of Mr. Jefferson's university in the first place, Thomas Jefferson Light University (TJLU) seems more than appropriate.  Please make a note of it...

On to the Game:

As always, we Gators were waaaaay ahead of our time.  We were losing, or nearly losing, to good mid-major teams long before 5/12 upsets and "mid-majors" became trendy!  Lest we forget Butler (horizon), Temple (atlantic 10), Manhattan (metro atlantic) and Creighton (mizz valley)!  Hell, we helped create this whole mid-major thing!  These Mizzouri Valley and Colonial types should be on their knees pleasuring us to reward us for helping legitimize their whole mid-major thing in the first place!  But, alas, they are not.  Instead, they have assumed their seat at the table without thanking those that helped get them there in the first place.

TJLU will pay for all of this, and they will pay dearly.  They will pay for every tourney loss and indignity we have suffered since 2000.  They will pay for the snide remarks we heard about being a great pick early round upset pick in the brackets, as if we should be be ashamed of second round losses to Villanova and Michigan State.  As if we should be ashamed of having made "only" one Final Four despite being the only team besides Duke to be a 6 seed or higher for eight consecutive years (and counting).  Duke and Florida.  That's it.  No UNC, UConn, Syracuse, Kansas, Illinoize, Michigan State, Arizona or anybody else.  Duke and Florida.  Have you heard anything about that lately?  Nope.  Yet, before the tourney the consensus was that we HAD to make the sweet 16 this year so we didn't "choke" again.  Gimme a freakin' break!  Our "upset" last year was to a #5 seeded Villanova team that was pretty much the same as the #1 seeded Villanova team we kicked the crap out of on Sunday. 

TJLU will also pay for the back-handed cracks we suffered at the hands of ham-fisted, fat-assed, lazy, flavor-of-the-day national media types that are practically wetting themselves over a team that lost in the quarterfinals of the colonial conference tournament.  We will extract revenge from TJLU for all of these slights.  People now go around saying things like, "Hey, that Bucknell's pretty good, they beat Syracuse last year," and, "Did you see that seven footer on Bradley? He's awesome!"  But where was the mid-major hype machine when we needed it?  Where were all the commentators saying, "You know, that was a pretty damned good Creighton team."  I'll tell you where.  NOWHERE!!!  They were nonexistent!  We suffered in silence. 

So, only by pounding a team such as TJLU, the first ever "real" mid-major in the final four, will we exorcise all of our mid-major demons in one fell swoop!  They will be beaten like drums.  Like red-headed stepchildren.  Like poor Benny at the hands (and cane) of Phil Leotardo.  Like that annoying blonde-haired kid in Fight Club who Tyler Durden beat the living piss out of just because he was a tad bit too eager.  Hmmmm, does that sound like anybody else we know:

TJLU averaged 4,532 fans in their 12,000 seat arena this year.  Wonder how many of these mega-fans were at the Towson State game earlier this year?  Or versus Hampton?  What about the Holy Cross tilt?  Hell, they only got 3,119 at home for a bracket-buster type game against mid-major powerhouse (thanks to us) Creighton.  But, what do you expect, the whole university was founded during my 30-something-ish lifetime.  Like they have a clue.  OK, brick Masons, enjoy your moment in the sun.  Enjoy your status as the national team du jour and try not to let the national writers slobber on you too much. 

Just know that we've got you right where we want you.  How's that?  Because you have the entire nation rooting against us, hating the Gator nation with a passion, booing us at every turn.  Oh no, don't throw us into THAT briar patch!!!  Silly fools, the swamp of hate is our natural habitat!  We thrive off the hateful and jealous venom spewed our way by those from lesser schools.  Just feel honored that you will be allowed to join the legions of Gator haters nationwide, such as the criminoles, the CoCanes, and that hee-haw look-alike contest up in eastern tennessee.  Because you still have one more very important thing to learn:

If you ain't a Gator, you Gator bait, baby!  And that now includes you, TJLU.